Three Little Words
by CheshireEffect
Summary: Not the three little words you'd expect, but then Matt's been waiting to tell Mello this for a long time. Rated M for non-con smutt and strong language. MxM Co-authored between MyMello'sMatty and CheshireEffect


**Title: **Three Little Words

**Summary: **Not the three little words you'd expect, but then Matt's been waiting to tell Mello this for a long time.

**Disclaimer: **General plot belongs to Cheshire Effect. MyMello'sMatty stakes claim to whatever cleverness he could offer. Neither writers of this fanfic own DN or anything referenced.

**Rated: **M for sexual content, non-con, and language.

**Warning: **This is in no way a happy story so read at your own risk and don't flame us when you're done.

**A/N:** This is a co-authorization between MyMello'sMatty and CheshireEffect. We worked hard on it so I hope you enjoy it. Make sure to leave us a review with your thought; we greatly appreciate it and it helps us to keep writing stories for you guys.

* * *

Ever since Mello had left him at Wammy's, three words had been on Matt's tongue. They were there as tears brimmed in his eyes; they were there as Mello walked out of their shared room with a backpack in hand. The room that had always been a haven for him was now confined and cold; lonely and empty.

He wished he'd told the blonde his feelings earlier when he had the chance. In fact, it hurt him to know that Mello would never know. He knew Mello well enough to realize that even though the blonde had promised to come back for him, he never would.

It was the feeling of keeping these three words to himself that drove him to leave Wammy's as well. Like Mello, he only took a backpack with him.

…

It didn't take him long to track Mello, and by the time he reached America he was out of cigarettes –and the batteries of his Gameboy had died! His stash of money had been used up and so he resorted to trying to bum a smoke off of someone else once he reached a restaurant in downtown LA.

That didn't work out so well, and Matt felt disgusted that his virginity would be taken by some man over a cigarette instead of by Mello… but at least his hands stopped shaking as nicotine flooded his system.

Once again, the three words bubbled in his throat, aching to be set free and told to the person that they were meant for.

Cigarette held between his lips, Matt fished a lighter from his backpack before leaning against the wall of the restaurant's dirty bathroom. He only smoked half of the stick, knowing that he'd want the other half later. Better to save than go without. Of course he could always 'bum' another one but he wasn't particularly taken with the idea of having sex with strangers for a cigarette.

Wetting a paper towel he wiped the blood and semen from his thighs before changing into some fresh clothes from his bag. Once done, he grabbed up his bag and snatched the half-finished cigarette from the bathroom sink.

As he walked by a table, he snatched up a basket of fries and hurried out the door before anyone noticed.

It didn't take the redhead long to realize that he wouldn't go far without money. Setting up his laptop, he checked around for any traces of Mello and smiled when he located the blonde within the ranks of the mafia. The very idea made him grin… because Mello was so predictable at times; his aggression made him a viable candidate for such a cutthroat profession.

Unfortunately, finding Mello required hacking, and though he knew the basics and had _(accidentally!_) hacked the Mars Rover for a joyride, his skillz in that department were not quite as refined, and almost instantly, his lappy-toppy's screen was flooded with a string of Hex codes followed by the words: _FUCK THIS PC_! The redhead knew in an instant that he'd been counter-hacked and infected with an amiga/SCA INIT1984. He groaned and mentally chided himself for not expecting it; then he cut his connections and proceeded to check for other viruses and wyrms –thankfully, he was qualified to deal with such things; and even the Bomber DOS was no match for him.

It took longer than he'd have liked, but he cleaned out his laptop and grabbed for that half-cigarette; he placed the filter between his lips and imagined that it was lit as he inhaled. (He was still saving it; selling his body was not appealing, and honestly… with his lack of credentials, a normal job wasn't exactly in his favor.)

…

Matt found himself in a rather shady part of LA –the area was teeming with half-naked women and transvestites lining up to sell the dignity they no longer possessed; drug trade was abundant, and a drive by shooting happened only a street away as the redhead bumped into a strange man in a parka. "Sorry," he grumbled, trying not to sound as irritable as his nicotine withdrawal was making him.

The parka-wearing man looked him over, sizing him up but saying nothing.

After a moment of awkward silence, the words left his mouth before he could think them through. "Do you have any smokes on ya?"

The stranger nodded mutely and patted his pocket, indicating where he kept them.

Matt bit his bottom lip and closed his eyes. "What would I have to do to get one?"

The man scowled and turned away, murmuring something along the lines of: "Filthy whores –they're everywhere!"

The redhead flinched at those words. Surely having sex once in his life didn't make him a whore… right?

Just then, an older woman approached him. She caressed his cheek with one hand and used the other hand to grab his crotch, making him yip in surprise and stumble back.

"You're a cute kid," the woman rasped. "'Round here, if you find the right customer, you can get at least 200 for a handjob; 250 for a blowjob; and a grand for intercourse."

"I'm not a slut," he said defensively.

To that, the woman smiled. "No, sluts don't get paid. You're a whore, honey. Don't hide it; flaunt it. Or you'll never make it here."

Matt felt an ache in his chest at the woman's implications. He sighed loudly. "Ma'am, you wouldn't know where I could get a smoke, would you?"

The woman pointed to a shady looking man who stood along the curb. "You ain't dumb, honey. Go service the man or find another corner to work."

…

Matt gave his first blowjob and was rewarded with a handful of cash and a pack of menthol cigarettes. He wanted to throw up; he hated that he'd swallowed some random guy's baby-juice. He felt sick, but… he had money; he had cigarettes; and it only took six minutes… and it wasn't _that_ bad.

As he lit up a fresh cancer stick, he tried to forget his method of obtaining it; he tried to fool himself into thinking it would be okay. But he was smart enough to know the truth –he was fucked. He was alone in this cold bitter world, and he had one person to tack the blame onto.

One person.

A blonde with a criminal record that did not exist in the eyes of the law. In Matt's eyes, his childhood friend was guilty… of stealing his heart… breaking it… and leaving it at the scene of the crime to be found but not repaired.

…

It had been a few weeks since he entered LA. Money wasn't a problem; the strangers leaving his small apartment assured that. His mind raced around his self-loathing as well as those words that had gone unsaid for much too long. Unfortunately, every time the redhead got the nerve to deliver the message with the proper conviction, the mafia seemed to jump ship, for which there was slight relief –after all, Matt didn't exactly have a plan just yet, and he couldn't just show up at their headquarters and expect to leave in one piece.

Lighting yet another cigarette (more out of boredom than need) he made his way to the apartment's fridge for _something_ to eat. Unfortunately Matt had never learned the fundamentals of grocery shopping, and walking into a grocery store with the intent of putting food in his fridge so he could eat seemed rather daunting. Closing the door with a sigh, he nudged his boots from the corner and put them on.

…

When Matt left his apartment, he had meant only to go to a store and stock up on TV dinners. He certainly hadn't meant to see Mello buying _chocolate (Who would've thought he actually went out to get his own chocolate?) _or to stare at the blonde until he bumped into a display of canned goods.

The pyramid of canned sweet corn tumbled to the floor with a huge clatter, and Matt ducked behind a shelf just in time to stay out of Mello's sight. He did, however, catch the small smile that graced the blonde's features as the mafia consigliere watched people scramble around to avoid the falling cans.

Matt felt his chest tighten as the words once more made their presence known. He wanted to run up to Mello and fling the words in his face before giving himself to the blonde's mercy. He wanted to let Mello know he was here, that he'd followed his former roommate to LA, but by the time he mustered the courage to approach the blonde, Mello was long gone.

Setting his basket of TV dinners on the conveyer belt, Matt waited for the clerk to hurry up and check him out as he craned around for a glimpse of the blonde. He didn't find any so when he received his food, change (no, he did not want to donate the rest to charity) and receipt, he hurried from the store.

Once in the parking lot he continued his search for the blonde but came up short. Turning with a sigh after peering around the side of the building, he caught a flash of yellow before pain erupted throughout his skull. The world tilted and went silent as his vision tunneled.

Catching a glimpse of blazing blue eyes, he opened his mouth to tell Mello those three words but fell unconscious before he could.

…

When Matt woke up (on a couch, judging by the feel of it) the first thing he saw was Mello. The blonde was facing him with one leg folded Indian style while the other pressed to his chest. The blue eyes simply stared, contemplating, and then a small cruel smile appeared upon Mello's lips.

"You shouldn't have followed me here," the blonde said, and Matt felt anger rise in him.

"What was I supposed to do?! Sit around and wait for you to come back?" Matt snapped loudly.

Mello's narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth for rejoinder. "I would have got you—" he began but the redhead cut him off with a snort.

"Bullshit."

Mello was on him in a flash, digging his nails into Matt's wrists as he pinned him to the couch. "You have no idea what I went through!" He hissed but Matt only laughed.

"Sure I don't. You're not the one that traded their _virginity_ for a fucking _cigarette_," he told Mello, and the blonde flinched. "You would have come for me, but when? When you felt like it? When you remembered your best friend from the orphanage –the one you left crying all alone in the big empty room we once shared? I came looking for you… and in return, you tell me that I wasn't supposed to follow you?! You know what, _fuck you_! I came here to tell you that I—" The words that he'd held onto for so long were about to be released, but they were silenced once more.

Mello held his hand over the redhead's mouth and, for a long moment, they glared at each other.

"Shit, Matt; shut up for once. I don't care about what you came here to tell me; I couldn't give a flying fuck. You shouldn't have come here in the first place. I don't want you here; I don't even _need_ you here. You're right –I wouldn't have come back for you because you're an annoying little shit."

Matt took a deep breath and tried not to show the hurt he felt at hearing those words. Tears stung his eyes and he did some momentary soul-searching before resolving his inner demons. "Mello," he said flatly, "there is one thing I've sought to tell you for so long… and now, it's my choice not to tell you. You don't deserve to hear it."

"Whatever, you fuckin' pussy. You're missing the point. I may not need you, but I brought you here for a reason."

"So? Unfortunately for you, I'm too pissed to care; I've got things to do. You won't hear another word outta me, Mells." As the redhead spoke, the endearing nickname was unintended; it slipped past his lips before he could even process it.

The blonde smirked at hearing it. "Awe, does Matty miss his Mells? Do you miss sneaking into my bed after a nightmare? Do you still dream about that night… when you came home from school to find your mother's corpse hanging in the hallway? Do you still cry at night and beg for her to hug you one last time?" He chuckled darkly and grabbed a chocolate bar. He turned his attention to the candy and, by the time he peeled back the foil, he heard a door slam; he couldn't help glancing needlessly in the direction of the sound, knowing that Matt was leaving.

Good.

…

The encounter with Mello had happened days ago, and Matt found himself slipping on his favorite vest and heading out. The sun was bright; the sky was blue –not a cloud in sight. People near and far bustled about their business while this particular redhead found himself wandering aimlessly until he reached a hardware store. He walked in and heard the familiar bell indicating his arrival. Ignoring the friendly smiles he received, he sauntered from aisle to aisle, looking at the array of stock.

He had no need to purchase anything at the moment, but he needed something to distract his distraught cognizance, and tools were something conversant to him.

After only a few minutes of browsing, a hand latched onto his shoulder and stirred him from his peace of mind.

"Don't I know you?" asked an older male.

Matt looked him over but said nothing.

"Aren't you the kid I picked up a while ago?" He leaned closer, breath ghosting over the redhead as he chuckled. "Yeah, I recognize that pretty mouth of yours. You still working in that profession?"

Matt opened his mouth to deny the implications, but a sudden thought occurred to him, and he acted on it, offering a tantalizing smile and placing a warm hand on the man's chest. "I'm… actually looking for some big, strong man with a nice huge cock to show me a good time. Know anyone?" He tried his best to be flirtatious and was rewarded with a slap on the ass.

"Alright, kid, you've got my attention. When and where? And can I get your name? I wanna know who's going to be screaming my name all night."

"Let's not make it personal. Just me and you… a few shots of tequila… and rough sex. That's all I want."

"No money? Last I checked, you weren't cheap."

"We'll discuss prices later. For now, I might need help with this…" He let his words trail off as he approached a display shelf; he grabbed a hammer from it and lightly ran his fingers along it, arching his back, closing his eyes, and moaning softly to tease the man. Once he saw the almost instant arousal of the perverted man, he carelessly dropped the hammer and walked off, shimmying his hips to be sure all eyes were on him.

…

A good two hours later Matt was back in his apartment with sweat covering his body, semen splattered on his sheets, and wad of cash in his hand. The man had been generous for sure but also rougher than Matt had expected. As the redhead tossed the money on his night table he let out a pained groan as his muscles protested.

"Fuck…" The redhead said as he rubbed at his eyes with the heels of his hands. His meeting with Mello hadn't gone well…at all, so now he was lost. He'd come here for Mello and now the blonde didn't even care about him. What'd he do?

Matt smiled as he got up for a shower. Mello was in for a surprise if everything went right.

…

The redhead sat on the hood of his car with one knee drawn loosely up to his chest as he eyed the mafia's base. He needed Mello's attention just long enough to show him he was serious. Easy enough; the blonde had always liked explosions, right?

Removing the cigarette he tapped the ash from the end and dialed a number on a disposable phone he'd bought earlier today. With that, the detonation was complete.

He shivered as the ground seemed to tremble and the third floor of the base exploded. Glass shattered and shot out of the window frames before falling to the ground like shards of rain. He knew Mello wasn't anywhere near the explosion; he couldn't blow up someone he cared about after all. Plus he wouldn't want Mello to scar up the other half of his face.

Flicking the cigarette away he got in Chevelle and watched the flames through his review mirror as he drove away.

…

Miles away from the crime he'd committed, Matt was still gunning the engine, still feeding off that adrenaline rush. His radio was blaring but he couldn't make out the drum solos or guitar riffs of some 80's band he barely recognized; any and all lyrics were lost to him as his own voice swam in his head, urging him to keep going and not stop.

Like a bullet blowing from a chamber, he had a focal point that couldn't be reached fast enough.

He pulled over only when the music stopped and an alarm beeped to signal an emergency broadcast. He parked his beloved car and listened to the announcement with a sense of pride.

"_In downtown LA, a surprisingly controlled explosion has caused small tremors within a 5 mile radius of a warehouse that has been demolished! Police suspect terrorism and urge civilians not to panic. The situation is being handled accordingly. From what the authorities can speculate…" –_the radio crackled from the weak signal – _"nitroglycerine on the third floor before detonation." _

With that, Matt turned off the radio and decided to play the waiting game. He was certain Mello had heard about the incident, and if not, it was only a matter of time before he would. And for the blonde, the message would be clear.

...

On his way home, he'd picked up another stranger for a one-night-stand. He also purchased several energy drinks, a new game, and a single bar of chocolate.

…

His lower half was bare and he was on his knees, receiving slam after slam as his current fuck buddy emptied into him for the fourth time, whereas the redhead had yet to release once. His knees were beginning to get sore and his body ached from the position, but he didn't complain as he shifted his weight to his forearms and grabbed his PSP, on which he decided to complete a few quests on Monster Hunter.

His mind was solely on slaying the Wyvern rather than reacting to the sex he was having, but his partner didn't seem to care.

A guttural groan and a fifth ejaculation from the balding stranger and Matt had had enough; he paused his game and took a deep breath. "Alright. The ride's over. Pay up and get the fuck out. I'm expecting company soon."

Matt saved his game and turned it off; he glanced at the older man to make certain he was getting dressed.

Once clothed, the balding man dropped a few bills on bed and made an exit, leaving Matt with a pitiful half-mast erection.

Finally alone, Matt headed to the bathroom to take a shower; he leaned against the cool tile and smiled as the scalding hot water drenched his flesh. He lathered himself in soap and enjoyed the soothing feeling that came with cleansing away the filth.

After he told Mello what he'd come to LA for he was out. He was leaving this hell-hole of a city and going back to England where the cigarettes were cheaper. Once back in the country he'd left he planned on doing something with his life.

At least he hoped he would. He'd never really been a person for planning and shit, but who knows, he might make it on his own without having to put up with middle-aged men fucking him for money.

Turning off the shower once he felt he was clean enough he went to the other room and pulled on a pair of black shorts and his normal striped shirt. Rolling the sleeves up, he retrieved his PSP and got comfortable for a long wait. He knew Mello would come soon but he didn't want to be sitting around like some anxious girlfriend when the blonde showed up.

…

His PSP was put away and he opted for nostalgia. He placed a lone chocolate bar and multiple energy drinks on the coffee table and unhooked his PS3; he neatly tucked it away and placed his new unopened game on the shelf next to the others.

Then, he retrieved an old box from the hallway and from said box he pulled out a bulky console with two controllers. The old system was hooked up and a cartridge was inserted. Sliding the purple Power bar up and watching it slide back, the redhead was greeted with the familiar tune and logo of his old SNES.

Battletoads was on in an instant and a message from the villain popped up as Matt got reacquainted with the controller that now felt so strange to be in his grasp. Hitting the start button, he cleared the message away and maneuvered the short but muscular green frog around the screen, bypassing pigs made of rock and kicking the bones out of enemy skeletons. The simple platform game was a sort of haven for Matt, and for a moment, he took a quick sip of his energy drink, prepared for a boss battle with the giant stone piggy, and all seemed right with the world.

In a way, it was almost like he was back at Wammy's, still a kid, playing the same old games and expecting his roommate to come back from the library.

Before long he grew board of Battletoads and methodically hit the power bar, ejected the cartridge, and replaced it with the original MarioKart. Selecting a character and a circuit, he was surprised how out-of-practice he was, finishing the race in 3rd place. He chuckled humorlessly at his rank before deciding that he didn't care too much for a trip down memory lane… because it brought back too many memories.

Memories of himself and a blonde… skipping classes together in favor of committing some act or another that the adults would disapprove of; arguing over who slept on the top bunk (though Matt almost always let Mello get his own way); Matt cleaning both his and Mello's side of the room; Mello trying to make a moat out of chocolate syrup; Matt fracturing his femur in a freak go-cart accident and Mello calling him names in a bout of friendly banter. Simple things like such reminded the redhead just how much he needed to speak to the blonde.

His heart needed to exploit the feelings he'd bottled up for so long; he was aching to make his secret known.

Once again removing the cartridge, he replaced it with PaperBoy2. He watched as his pixilated teenage character started to pedal and, at the first opportunity, he began to slug newspapers into awaiting mailboxes, being careful to always stop the moving babies and monsters. He completed the course with a high score and was rewarded with his character's picture in the paper with the headline reading: PAPERBOY SAVES THE DAY!

Smiling in a silent triumph after completing multiple levels of this game, he considered setting up Lawnmower Man, but before he could bother, he was greeted with the soft click of a door being opened and closed.

Footsteps thundered, and Matt grew anxious, leaving the Nintendo paused as he finished an energy drink and grabbed the chocolate bar. He waited with baited breath as his heart fought between beating too fast and not beating at all.

Finally, a blonde man entered the room, leather catching the light of the TV in all the right ways and skin practically glowing. Those blue eyes looked almost menacing and a gloved hand reached towards a concealed gun.

Matt, however, was not intimidated. He held the chocolate bar at arm's length as he offered it to the blonde.

"I got your message, loud and clear," said Mello with a careful tone as he took the proffered candy.

The redheaded gamer nodded and forced himself to appear more relaxed than he actually was. "Good. I'm glad. I have something important I need to tell you."

Mello was quiet for a long moment, eyes focused on his former friend before taking in his surroundings and finally settling on the NES. "Your old Nintendo?" he drawled in question, not really caring to know why Matt had bothered with the old console.

Matt smiled wistfully, lips splitting into a familiar grin. "Just a little trip down memory lane, _Mells_." He purposely used the endearing nickname.

"Whatever," Was the tactless response. The atmosphere thickened as Mello dropped his unopened chocolate bar onto a nearby stand and lessened the distance between him and the redhead. "You had quite an interesting method of getting my attention, _Matty_." With the last word, he mimicked the faux endearment that was previously used.

"Well, I know how much you like to blow shit up, Mells. I knew it would get me a chance to talk to you, and it's important to me –I've needed to tell you this… for so long. Years, even."

"And you couldn't have called? Sent an email? Set up a Facebook account and just…-"

"No, it's more personal than that."

More silence.

Then Matt found himself unable to breathe as fingers laced around his throat, applying just enough pressure to make him gasp. Mello was his attacker, sneering as he pressed his forehead to Matt's and whispered in a harsh tone: "You little, shit. Just because you have unresolved issues, you go and blow up the 3rd floor of the –fuck, do you have any clue how many kilos of heroin and cocaine were in there? Do you have any fuckin' clue how much money you set me back?! I should kill you right now for that… but I won't." Slowly, he eased the pressure off Matt's throat and allowed him to breathe once more.

"Just shut up, Matt. I'm sick of this shit. You don't think of anyone but yourself. It's always been about you. How you couldn't sleep at night; you couldn't find your favorite videogame; you were getting picked on and bullied; you were sad and miserable because I left; and now –you're wasting my time and money, blowing up the mafia's shit just because… you want to tell me something. Stop being a fuckin' baby and learn that the world doesn't revolve around you!" Mello was always scary, but the angrier he got, the worse he became; his chest heaved and his muscles tensed. "Fuck this, Matt," he hissed. "You're my bitch, and I'm the boss. That's how it's always been, and nothing's changed. Face it."

Matt flinched at the assault of words; he didn't like hearing it, even if some of them were true. But suddenly Matt felt like his last chance was slipping away and he became terrified. He couldn't let Mello leave. Not yet, not before…

Jumping up from the couch he grabbed the blonde and pulled him into a harsh kiss in order to silence the other's words. It had the opposite effect however and the hand was back, strangling the breath from Matt's body as Mello's blue eyes blazed furiously.

"You little slut." He growled near Matt's ear and the redhead's felt his stomach tighten. Mello grinned. "You think I didn't know? It wasn't just for that one cigarette, was it? You can't hack well enough to get money that way and we both know your ass is too lazy to get a job, so what else could you do? How many fucking times have you bent over like a fucking dog, you selfish cunt?! You have something to tell me? Just say it! Now!"

And then Matt could breathe again. He gulped in large breaths of air before choking on them and ended up bent over coughing. Mello kicked him in the stomach and the redhead ended up on the floor.

"Tell me! What do you want? Do you want to let me know how lost you were without me? You want to let me know about how you want me back?" And then a gleam entered Mello's eyes and Matt shivered. "Do you want to tell me you _love_ me?" the blonde asked coldly and gave a humorless laugh when the redhead flinched.

"That's it; lil' Matty loves his Mello and came all the way here to tell me. Well I have news for you Matty-boy—people change." He hissed against Matt's lips as his hand gripped red strands of hair harshly. Tears sprung into Matt's eyes. Pressing his lips to the redhead's Mello tugged harshly at the dumb striped shirt as Matt's eyes widened.

Black painted nails dug into pale skin as Matt pushed at Mello furiously. His mind screamed at him to stop the blonde but like the times they had wrestled as kids Mello quickly grabbed both Matt's arms and pinned them down. The blonde's knee pressed down on the gamer's denim clad crotch as he bit his lips harshly.

"Tell me how you love me, Matt." Mello told him as he removed the other's jeans and Matt kicked a foot out toward the blonde's stomach. No, Mello couldn't be like the others. Not like them. He couldn't do this, not to him. Not to him…

Nimble fingers quickly unlaced leather pants as Mello fixed Matt's wrist in one hand and used the other to hold the redhead's left leg down.

Matt was freely crying now as realization belatedly set in. Mello had changed. He was like everyone else; using people and then throwing them away. Matt was foolish to think he could confide in Mello. So stupid. And yet he had tried.

Mello entered him in one harsh snap of his hips tearing a cry from Matt's throat as his free leg kicked toward the blonde.

As the blonde set a harsh pace Matt struggled to get loose of Mello's grip but only resulted in bringing himself more pain. Soon a sob was strangled from his throat as the blonde pounded into him. Entering him harshly before retreating; in, out, in, out; using him…

He felt bile rise in his throat as Mello released into him. Suddenly the words were there again, on the tip of his tongue.

And finally, he could say them.

"I hate you." He whispered to Mello, making him freeze before blue eyes widened in a display of shock and disbelief. "I hate you… so much. You have no idea how many times I wanted to hurt you. How many times I thought about killing you in your sleep. I hate you so much it hurts. I cried because I couldn't tell you. I cried because I knew deep down you considered me your friend and trusted me, and in return, I pitied you. You're selfish and childish and can't see past your own needs. I didn't need you. I didn't even miss you!" He yelled into Mello face.

Mello narrowed his eyes at him. "Oh really? Then why come all this way for me? Why do all this in order to get me here?"

Matt just chuckled and shook his head. "And you said it was all about me?! You think I came here for you, you conceited prick? I came here for me. I did all this for me, so that I could finally tell you how much I despise you."

He kicked Mello in the stomach as the blonde's grip on him loosened and the other's breath whooshed out of him. "Fuck off, you asshole." He snapped harshly. He wouldn't show pain in front of anyone –especially not now. He couldn't.

It was Matt's turn to smile cruelly. "You thought this was all for you. Fuck you." He kicked out at the blonde but Mello grabbed his foot and pulled him to the ground where the redhead's skull connected with the floor.

The blonde punched Matt in the jaw, sending the gamer's skull back against the floorboards once more. This time there was enough force behind the blow to cause Matt's vision to swim and by the time he was focused again Mello was strattling him. Another punch was delivered and then another as Mello took out his anger.

"You. Belong. To. Me!" Each word was punctuated with a punch and Matt reached up and grabbed Mello's hair before pulling the blonde's head viciously against the edge of the coffee table. The other retaliated by punching Matt in the ribs twice and the redhead shrieked as he heard and _felt_ a snap.

"Stupid bitch." Mello sneered as Matt curled in onto himself. The gamer had always been the weaker one, always, and it was time he learned his place. Grabbing a fistful of Matt hair like the redhead had so recently done to him he dragged him up onto the coffee table.

Pushing back into Matt for a second time, he wrapped his hands around the gamer's throat as the redhead's eyes widened. Using his thumbs to increase pressure he thrusted into his old time "friend". This time, however, he wasn't trying to release his anger. No, he wanted Matt to hate himself as much as he claimed to hate the blonde. Pushing two fingers into the other along with his erection he silenced the responsive scream by pressing his lips to Matt's and shoving his tongue down his throat. Any thoughts of biting the blonde were halted as the other's hand tightened again and Matt's vision grew more refracted and warped.

Mello continued to thrust—albeit slower now—as his fingers searched for that special spot in Matt. He knew he found it when Matt screamed again and pressed his fingers into the little bundle of nerves harshly. The redhead arched off the table and Mello continued to abuse the spot with his fingers until Matt was fully erect and choking for air.

Removing his fingers he slammed into the gamer harshly and loosened his grip on the other's neck just long enough for Matt to fill his lungs. Then his lips were back on the redhead's and he bit at kiss swollen lips before sucking on the gamer's tongue.

The other groaned and shook his head from side to side as tears collected in his eyes. Mello grinned. He knew Matt would deny his pleasure. If Matt hated him then he'd have to hate himself for the pleasure he got from the blonde's touch. Whichever way decided, he was going to break the redhead, and when the gamer was shattered he'd kick him to the side.

Bringing a hand to the gamer's hip; he pulled him back into his thrust before turning him so that he was on his hands and knees. His hand briefly left his throat before taking him by the back of the neck and pushing his face into the top of the table. The other hand remained at the redhead's hip so he could drag him back into his thrust.

Tears collected on the table as Matt felt heat build in his stomach. With each movement of the blonde's hips he brushed a place inside Matt that set his senses on fire and caused his to teeter closer to release than he was comfortable with. It was when Mello bit the redhead's neck that Matt released. Cum splattered the table as he shook, silent sobs shaking his body as Mello continued to thrust.

Moments later the blonde released as well and pulled out of Matt before dragging the other to his knees. Dull green eyes met blue before Mello back handed him.

Matt's head whipped to the side and Mello shook his hand out with a hiss. "Who do you hate?" he asked and Matt blinked.

"You." He spat at the blonde and received another back handed slap.

"And who else?" he questioned, and the gamer felt confusion.

"No one…else, just _you_." He replied and another blow was delivered. This time there was enough force behind it to cause Matt to tumble to the floor and Mello didn't bother picking him up. He merely kicked him like the dog he was and Matt groaned in pain.

"Wrong!" The blonde snapped and kicked Matt again. "Who else? You know." Another kick. "Tell me! You know who; you're just too much of a bitch to say it."

Not bothering to defend himself, Matt gave into Mello's demands. "_Myself_!" was the answer he cried before Mello could kick him again. "I… hate myself," his voice was lower and he choked on his words, causing the blonde to smile cruelly.

"That's not all," Mello said, and Matt shook his head. "You hate me. We both know that. You also hate yourself. That's why you came here. Not for me, not to tell me that you hated me but to realize how much you despised yourself on the inside. You just couldn't admit it to yourself so you needed my help. Well, there you go!"

And Matt cried. His head was throbbing; his heart was torn; blood was leaking from various injuries he'd obtained; and he just wanted everything to be different. He wanted the pain and misery to stop; he wanted Mello out of his life… completely. He wanted to open his eyes and find that everything was okay.

But that would never happen.

As the redhead wept on the floor, he let his eyes slip shut and begged for death to be merciful and take his life –after all, what did he have to live for?

He hadn't any friends or family. He'd finally completed his quest to tell Mello how he felt. And… the closest thing he had to a job was the solicitation of his own filthy flesh. What more was there to life? Not even videogames and cigarettes made life worthwhile anymore.

His breath grew shallow and he waited for everything to stop.

Chills settled throughout his body and weakness overcame the entirety of his being.

…

It would take five months for those sparkling emerald eyes to unveil themselves again. He found himself groggy and confused as he was blinded by white sterile surroundings. Movement of any kind seemed impossible but he managed to sit up, only to fall back again. He parted his lips but no words came.

Suddenly, his eyes caught a flash of blonde, and he instantly knew who it was. His mind wouldn't process the name, and his vision was too bleared for him to make out any facial features… but his heart knew all too well.

He tried to expel words, but only a croak left him.

A deceivingly gentle hand on his cheek made him flinch.

Words reached his ears.

"I know you hate me," the blonde said. His fingers threaded through sweat-soaked locks of red, and he smile. "But that's okay… because I hate you too. And that's why I'm devoting my life to keeping you alive and well. If I'm going to suffer, so will you."

Lying there, all Matt could do was whimper. He tried so hard to speak, but his voice seemed nonexistent.

"It's okay, Matt. Take it easy –no need to thank me for saving your life." He stared at the redhead, smiling as if he knew something the world didn't –as if something was tragically hilarious yet secretive.

Once more, Matt tried to speak but to no avail.

And finally, Mello caved in and revealed his secret. He leaned close and whispered: "So, Matt… Remember those three little words you so desperately needed to tell me? Was it worth it? And… do you miss your voice?" He chuckled darkly. "I took the money you got from whoring yourself out, and I used it to bribe a surgeon to tamper with your vocal cords. And now… you'll never be able to say such horrible things again –not to me, or anyone else." He continued to chuckle.

Matt simply grit his teeth and forced himself to sit up all the way, and this time he didn't let his protesting muscles fail. He fixed a glare on the blonde and mouthed the words: "I still hate you." And he punctuated his silent declaration with the slow raising of his middle finger.

Mello's mood instantly darkened and he raised his hand to backhand the redhead, but… his hand never made contact; he'd stopped himself from committing the assault. There was strength behind Matt's eyes that he'd never seen before and with strength came respect.

Seeing Mello back down made Matt smile. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He raised his hand and carefully signed a message. _'Hate… doesn't have to mean goodbye, does it?'_

At this, Mello furrowed his brows in thought. He shook his head after a moment. "No, Matt. Hate doesn't mean goodbye."

Matt's smile lingered still as his eyes closed and he lowered himself back onto the hospital bed. He was still tired and weak, but… for the first time since he was a normal kid with a mom and dad, he was truly at peace.

Because he hated Mello, and Mello hated him, but… that emotion alone did not warrant departure.

And, for now, he was okay with that.

* * *

**And that's the end. Thank you so much for reading and leave a review. Matty and I worked hard on this so we greatly appreciate any feed-back as long as you don't bash the story. **


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